Gardening Tips for Relationships

Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself. Jean Anouilh

Have you ever noticed that many of us expect to be treated exceptionally well in a relationship, but don’t think that we should have to put in much effort? We feel that, in a way, it is owed to us because we are after all our terrific selves. Our partner should be grateful to have the good fortune to be dating us. After the initial surge of excitement has settled down, slowly but surely we make less and less of a big deal of our partner until the downward spiral has taken full effect and we barely mind our Ps and Qs. Before too long both partners are going through the motions, fully aware that something is missing. They don’t know how to find those wonderful, loving feelings anymore.

Few people appreciate the fact that relationships, even the very best ones, especially the very best ones, take a lot of work. The thought of working at work and then working at home is daunting to even the mightiest of souls. It precludes some from getting involved in a long-term partnership because at times, let’s face it, it can be a grind. However, maintaining a profound, deeply supportive relationship can offer rewards which far outweigh the efforts invested.

Many assume that relationships should occur effortlessly, as if by magic. This false belief will only lead to heartache and disappointment. Whether we are speaking of a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend or simply of a friendship, the importance of a thoughtful word or a kind gesture cannot be overstated. Ensuring that either person is not always relegated to one end of the giving or receiving is critical. Relationships require a fine balancing act, and we must offer them as much attention as we would a delicate high-wire performance. Should we stop focusing on our significant other for too long we would most likely fall off and break something.

Good, straightforward, honest communication is the foundation for a healthy, loving relationship. Be selective of when to “discuss” issues and when to let things slide. Just because you are feeling expressive and ready to emote does not guarantee your partner is in the same head space nor does it ensure they are ready to receive. I find it is best to avoid discussing relationship matters when either person is tired or fatigued. These moments can serve as destructive flashpoints and make a small deal turn into a big one in a matter of seconds.

As time goes on, we often take our partners for granted and under appreciate the many ways in which they add value to our lives. For example, if a complete stranger were to cook you dinner and then wash all of the dishes, how appreciative would you be? You might be so grateful as to write them a thank-you note (or send a small gift the following day if you were very well brought-up). However, from a loved one we come to expect these behaviours and don’t receive these gifts with much fanfare.

Kindness begets kindness. If you find yourself wondering what value you partner adds to your life, imagine the world without them. What feelings would be absent? What would be different? What would your home feel like? We often expend so much energy in areas of our life that don’t give us nearly as good of a return as the return that results from investing in our relationships. Anyone who has experienced loneliness knows how precious love can be. Yet once in a relationship we are often quick to become ungrateful. If you plan on maintaining a loving relationship, roll up your sleeves and do some heavy lifting. It will pay off tenfold.

View your relationship as you would a lovely garden requiring regular water, sunlight and food once in awhile. Grant your relationship the same care and attention a good farmer gives his crops and your relationship will provide for you a beautiful, fulfilling, lasting return.

To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead. Bertrand Russell