I have been writing this column for nearly two-years now. In this time there is one question that people have ceaselessly asked me. This is: Why is it so difficult to meet people in Vancouver?". Now, when they say "meet people", some of the bewildered literally mean getting someone on the street to respond to your courteous "hello". Others refer to the challenge of forming a friendship out of a chance encounter at the grocery store. The rest tend to intimate they would like tips on how to find someone special. I am loathe to admit this to you but after years of probing the issue I still have not come up with an adequate answer that will put this issue to bed and resolve the conundrum.
What I can tell you is that this inability to connect with people whom we meet outside of the confines of our homes has resulted in a skewed, strange reality in how we meet people. A couple of examples:
1. When I first returned to Vancouver from London, England a few years ago I went to a local coffee shop. Spying a table of a group of people in their 30s, I approached and asked if an unoccupied seat was taken. The two men and two women paused and in their Vancouver "polite" voices replied, "no, go ahead" motioning that I could help myself to the seat. When I sat down instead of removing the chair to another, separate, table and nestled myself between the two men, they didn't know where to hang themselves.
2. A fellow business networker whom I bumped into at a breakfast meeting revealed that his girlfriend of two years had recently met someone on line from Caribbean and was moving out to live with him. Apparently his gal could not understand why her now ex-boyfriend was surprised. After all, their relationship had some issues and this new one was "perfect".
My point being, human contact and real life connection has begun to scare us. We don’t like strangers to get too close. Saying hello in a grocery store is acceptable but don’t expect to be invited in to dinner sort of thing. Once we have made contact with someone we don’t already know we don't want to work at the new relationship and relationships, no matter what kind we are talking about, take work. When we encounter someone new and they probe too deeply, we question their motives for wanting to befriend us believing them to be desperate or selling something or, heaven forbid, HITTING ON US.
Wouldn't it be great if we could give people a chance to show us who they are before we started judging the situation? How about being open to the people around us, without hiding behind our computer terminals and resorting to Lava Life to expand our social circles? Life is happening outside of our homes, not in the movies or on-line. Let's go out and play! Get your hands dirty and let me know how it goes.
What I can tell you is that this inability to connect with people whom we meet outside of the confines of our homes has resulted in a skewed, strange reality in how we meet people. A couple of examples:
1. When I first returned to Vancouver from London, England a few years ago I went to a local coffee shop. Spying a table of a group of people in their 30s, I approached and asked if an unoccupied seat was taken. The two men and two women paused and in their Vancouver "polite" voices replied, "no, go ahead" motioning that I could help myself to the seat. When I sat down instead of removing the chair to another, separate, table and nestled myself between the two men, they didn't know where to hang themselves.
2. A fellow business networker whom I bumped into at a breakfast meeting revealed that his girlfriend of two years had recently met someone on line from Caribbean and was moving out to live with him. Apparently his gal could not understand why her now ex-boyfriend was surprised. After all, their relationship had some issues and this new one was "perfect".
My point being, human contact and real life connection has begun to scare us. We don’t like strangers to get too close. Saying hello in a grocery store is acceptable but don’t expect to be invited in to dinner sort of thing. Once we have made contact with someone we don’t already know we don't want to work at the new relationship and relationships, no matter what kind we are talking about, take work. When we encounter someone new and they probe too deeply, we question their motives for wanting to befriend us believing them to be desperate or selling something or, heaven forbid, HITTING ON US.
Wouldn't it be great if we could give people a chance to show us who they are before we started judging the situation? How about being open to the people around us, without hiding behind our computer terminals and resorting to Lava Life to expand our social circles? Life is happening outside of our homes, not in the movies or on-line. Let's go out and play! Get your hands dirty and let me know how it goes.
1 comment:
Rachel, I am a 41 yr/old white male. I am frequently mistaken for someone at least 10 to 15 years younger. I have been semi active in the dating scene in Vancouver for just over 2 years. To be honest, women of Vancouver are brutal. Not only are they very shallow, but the ones that claim to be looking for a nice guy, really aren't. I am a very nice guy, through the wonders of Facebook, I have about 400 friends world wide, who now the person I am, and know I am one of the few genuine nice guys. But Vancouver women, can't get past the "looks" I'm nothing special, I'm a little over weight.
Your social club no offence sounds like a place only for the Upper Class, and those of us that a the blue collar would be out of place like a pair of jeans at a wedding..
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