A Man Has to Hunt

Last week I met the most beautiful man I have ever laid eyes on. He literally took my breath away. I was in the middle of a conversation with friends when I spotted him out of the corner of my eye and stopped talking mid-sentence. The girls I had been gabbing with burst into laughter at my overt behaviour. We were sitting at Campoverde on the sofas and I quickly rose, approached him, introduced myself and then invited him to join us.

As the owner of a social club, that is mandatory behaviour. However I wondered what I would have done had I been a patron and therefore unable to use the excuse that it was my job to be friendly and welcoming. My new handsome friend Peter quickly and easily ingratiated himself into the crowd and soon we began discussing gender roles in relationships. Christina mentioned she had recently watched a talk show where the special guest was a male interior designer. The girls all agreed that if our boyfriend were to call in the middle of the day to discuss curtains we would be a bit startled. That sparked the question: at which point does one’s femininity or masculinity become threatened by a loss of traditional gender roles?

In today’s world, a man hiking the Grouse Grind could summit several minutes after his lady-friend. That said, she might choose to cook for him and prove herself hopeless (that would be me), while the man could be a gifted chef. I think Peter put it best when he said, “it doesn’t really matter who is doing what as long as the skills are complementary”. I agree in theory, however, there is a line.

Chivalry must be given its’ due, and this is where it gets confusing. I would have liked Peter to have asked me out. It was written all over my face and I even stayed until 1am hanging out with him at the club (which rarely happens, as any Campoverde member will attest), but he did not. This is where my traditional female-chromosome kicked in. I would not take the first step. This is not a “how to” rule; it is just the point at which I feel de-feminized. Instigating the initial date, paying for the first evening out, picking a man up at his home, these all fall into the “not-going-to-happen” category. They are simply my rules for maintaining my female-ness. If you make something too easy, there is no sense of accomplishment. Acting too eager to please and compromising yourself to ‘get the role’ in a potential relationship reduces both people to bit parts in a mediocre production destined to close early.

Ultimately, men are hunters. They need to feel the thrill of the chase. Keep yourself on the radar screen but allow them to strategise on how to conquer you. Hang out at their favourite spots, become chummy with their friends, be present and open but PLEASE LET THEM TAKE THE FIRST STEPS. After seeing you a few times around town, if they are still not stepping up to the plate, it is probably time to move on.

Men must feel this way when they attain the goal of going out with a new woman. It must be a source of pride that they are with you. Ladies, if we take the first step, all of that sense of accomplishment goes away. I’m not saying, “play hard to get”, more like, “keep ‘em guessing”. Don’t give up the solid ground until they earn it. As a last resort, there is always the jealousy card.

The late Carolyn Bessett-Kennedy is a perfect example of this. Every time JFK Jr. stopped calling, she would ostentatiously be spotted around town on the arm of her on-again-off-again model boyfriend until John-John practically begged her to marry him. He couldn’t handle the fact that she was not sitting at home brooding whilst awaiting his call. He realized she was going to leave him behind if he did not step up to the plate!

In the word of the late Marcel Proust “Women who are to some extent resistant, whom one cannot possess at once, whom one does not even know at first whether one will ever possess, are the only interesting ones.”

The moral: in order to be treated like a woman, you must let the man play the role of the hunter. Be open, friendly, kind and fun but allow him take the initial steps toward getting to know you better. Once you feel a friendship is forming, relax into it. You will either have complimentary attributes and your partnership will blossom, or you will find that you are not a great match but you can still be friends! Either way, a man has to hunt.