Revitalizing The Art Of Flirting

Over the past few months, a few conversations at the Campoverde Social Club have turned to the subject of flirting in Vancouver, or the lack thereof. The members, both male and female, have taken a poll and have come to the conclusion that in Vancouver, flirting as a pastime is dead.

In Europe and most of the rest of the civilised world, flirting is considered as normal a part of your day as grocery shopping. My friend Ingrid, an Argentinean woman, used to say that if she walked by a construction site and did not get whistled at she knew she wasn’t dressed sexy enough and would go directly home to change. Ingrid’s point was that it was her job to attract the attention of men. If she wasn’t, there was something very wrong. Then she came to visit me in Vancouver and nearly had a nervous breakdown. Even her shortest mini-skirt and most snugly fitting top was not doing the trick.

Why, you might ask, is this? Why is it that men have taken to ignoring us and that when they do muster the courage to say hello or make a flattering comment we look at them as if they had leprosy? The answer is: sex. Allow me to explain.

Flirting in Vancouver is synonymous with: “I’m interested in you” which loosely translates to “I’d like to take you out”, which inevitably means “I want to sleep with you”. In Spain if a man comments on your beautiful eyes, he is doing just that, whereas here in Vancouver a man commenting on our beauty is made to mean something more. So, following this hypothesis, if a woman were to respond in any positive way, she would then be implying that she is also interested.

When I was living in London, England I was invited to a house party at a friend’s place. Prior to arriving, I stopped at a small, local wine shop in Notting Hill to buy something for the host. A tall, handsome man dressed in a cashmere overcoat caught my eye. He was blonde, about 6’3 and had strong features, just my type. In typical Vancouver fashion, I pretended not to notice him. Going about my business, focusing on the task at hand, I sensed him approaching.

“Miss, might I say that is a lovely hat you are wearing? You are a very beautiful woman and it compliments you greatly”.

Accepting the kind words as gracefully as I could, I thanked him and waited for the pick up line. It never came. I expected at least a more robust conversation would follow. Even a comment about my accent would have been welcome…but nothing happened. By the time I finished selecting my bottle of wine and went to the till to pay, the stranger had vanished.

As the Universe would have it, as soon as I arrived at the party I saw him. Apparently we had mutual friends. He was speaking fluent French to a beautiful brunette investment banker who was dressed to the nines. After a few glasses of Chablis I mustered the courage to query him.

“Excuse me, hello, my name is Rachel Greenfeld and I am the girl you met at the wine shop, sans chapeau.” I managed to smile at the end of it, feeling as thought my legs were about to give way.

“Um, I am just wondering, why didn’t you ask me out?” I continued, taking another long gulp of wine.

“I just wasn’t interested” he replied, in a tone that suggested he was more confused than I was, giving me a curious look.

Strike up another huge life lesson. Actually, make that a couple of lessons. First of all: just because a man finds you attractive does not mean he wants you and secondly; don’t ask a question to which you are not prepared to hear the answer. But that is another column.

Given that men are trainable, and they are, I think the women of Vancouver should take the first step. Let’s really put ourselves out there and lead by example. Let’s flirt! The men will start to respond in kind and we’ll all feel just a little sexier. Wouldn’t that be great?! This week, make as much eye contact as possible, and when they catch you looking at them, give them a huge smile, and maybe even a wink. If you are feeling ultra-confident, compliment a man on something. Be bold. Be cute. Be fun. Be flirtatious! It does not mean anything, we are only flirting!