Stop Waiting, Start Living

Most single people spend their lives waiting to become involved in a relationship in order for their real lives to begin. Watching people languish away in misery until magically, one day, they meet Mr. Right and their life is finally complete is practically the norm in Hollywood cookie-cutters. We have seen it a million times: Mr. Wonderful arrives and suddenly the overweight woman can get into shape, purchase a fantastic wardrobe, drive a fancy car, live in a cozy home, and go out with interesting, worldly friends. Thanks to the fact that they have met their mate, they are finally happy.

Maybe it isn’t the fact that Mr. Perfect isn’t here yet that has you waiting. Maybe you are waiting until you earn more money, get the job you have always coveted, waiting for your career to take off, or for the right apartment to become affordable. Whatever it is that has you waiting, get over it. What if you could start living your life right now? This very moment? What would it look like?

I was talking to a fellow Kitsilano resident the other day. He is a forty-something, successful, good-looking, kind person. He told me that he married the love of his life at 18 years old. They have three perfect children, a perfect home, a perfect summer cottage with a perfect view, and what he thought was a perfect marriage. Only it wasn’t so perfect. Apparently, his wife of 23 years felt that she had been waiting to meet the right person in order to start living, whom she found over the internet.

The point is that nothing is ever perfect. If you are not being true to yourself and your sense of values, you are not really living at all. You are simply waiting.

The solution is that we have to connect to our values. Find out what has meaning to us and start living along the terms dictated by those values. What do you relate to? Is it family, adventure, spirituality, community, love, peace, the quest for learning, giving back? Whatever it is that you hold dear, incorporate it into your daily routine. Honesty, integrity, interdependence, kindness, these are things that when added to your day make your life a pleasure. They make your life feel huge.

A good way to find out what you really care about is to do this brief exercise. If your house was burning down and all people and animals were safe, what is the one thing you would grab on your way out the door? What does that thing represent to you? Personally, I would reach for my guitar. This instrument is my way of creating music, which speaks to my soul and is my way of communicating (aside from writing this column of course).

Another excellent way of discovering what you stand for is by pretending that you have a trunk to fill with things that represent yourself. When the trunk is opened, the items inside will be the only bits and pieces that people have to go on to find out what sort of person you are. What would you place in that trunk?

The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions. Alfred Lord Tennyson

How do you decide what goes in the trunk?

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. Ben Stein

If, after these exercises, it is still unclear what sort of relationship you have with yourself and you feel a bit lost, you might consider hiring a life coach. Liz Budny was one of the life coaches I interviewed for this column. Just shoot her an e-mail: ebudny2002@yahoo.ca if you need any help.

As Barbara Hall says,

You're alive. Do something. The directive in life, the moral imperative is so uncomplicated. It can be expressed in single words, not complete sentences. It sounds like this: Look. Listen. Choose. Act.
So get out and live. What are you waiting for?