When you choose a mate, do you go for someone with whom life would be a piece of cake, based on similarities, or your polar opposite? If you are currently in a relationship, are you and your partner compatible? If so, what does that mean? Does it mean you both enjoy Thai food, mountaineering and Sundays at the beach? Or does compatibility suggest a greater commonality; perhaps a sense that you both share core traits and values that will remain intact for the rest of your lives.

Most couples question their compatibility at some point or another-and it always seems to be at a time when your partner announces a newfound appreciation for something, take travel for example, or a growing disinterest in something previously held in common, like going to parties. What guarantee is there that you and your partner will remain compatible for ever? People may not change, but it’s fair to say that you are not the same person you were ten years ago. We all grow, sometimes at different paces and in different ways, and all too often a growth spurt is all it takes to derail a happy and loving relationship.

Often we hear of an unexpected break-up explained as a “growing apart”. Relationships that endure share a common characteristic; the partners work on growing together. As individuals evolve, so must the relationship, and this can be achieved through the practice of careful communication. We are often reluctant to share our changing needs with our partners, assuming that the ties that bind us will not bear the strain of new demands not previously agreed upon. So we suppress those needs and choose to suffer in silence. Or alternatively we view our needs with a reverence that blinds us to compromise and we become incapable of finding a middle-ground. Anyone who has practiced yoga can appreciate the values of flexibility and though many of us are more supple than others, flexibility can be gained through practice.

That said, there are some very basics that must be in place before we look at adding on layers of complexity attributable to growth and change. Fiona MacRae from the London Daily Mail wrote, “They say opposites attract. But if you are looking for a happy ending, the more similar you are to your loved one the better.” MacRae interviewed a psychiatrist who has come up with a 25-question test that he believes measures your compatibility and can help you differentiate between lust and a long-term potentiality. The Compatibility Quotient test covers a range of issues, from politics to household chores. “All of the things that lead to long-term compatibility depend on similarity and the more common ground you have the better” claims Dr. Glenn Wilson, the test’s designer.

If you have the courage, take a few moments and gauge your relationships’ compatibility. The way you score it is by calculating the number of spaces between your answers. So, if you pick (a) and your partner chooses (e), you score 4. If you answer the same, the score is zero. After 25 questions, the final result will be between 0 and 100. Scores of below 23 signify compatibility.

How tall are you? a) Quite tall b) Above average c) Average d) Slightly below avg. e) On the short side.
Which best describes you? a) Overweight b) Slightly overweight c) Average weight d) Fairly slim e) Rather skinny
How attractive are you? a)Very b)Fairly c) Average d) Rather plain e)Very plain
How intelligent are you? a) Bright b) Brainier than avg. c) Brighter than avg. d) Avg. e) A little below avg.
Which is your favourite type of music? a) Heavy metal or rap b) Pop c) Easy-listening d) Jazz e) Classical or opera
Which TV shows do you most prefer? a) Game shows b) Soap operas c) Cop shows or comedies d) Serious dramas e) News and documentaries
Do you like foreign food? a) Really can’t stand it b) Prefer plain food c) Okay for a change d) Enjoy most foods e) Prefer foreign food
What is your view of parties? a) Prefer being alone b)Small groups are okay c) A few parties are okay d) Enjoy parties e) Love wild parties
What level of education have you reached/are you expected to reach? a)My education ended when I was 16 b) Nothing after high school c)Some courses after high school d)Degree or diploma e) Post-graduate degree
What is your job? a) Professional b) Managerial c) Clerical, admin or customer service d) Skilled manual trades person e) Non-skilled manual job
What type of relationship would you prefer? a) Casual friendship b) Lasting friendship c) An exciting short-term affair d) An intimate long-term relationship e) Marriage
How sexually experienced are you? a) Still a virgin b) Rather inexperienced c) Averagely experienced d) More experienced than most e) Very experienced
How would you describe your sex drive? a) Almost nonexistent b) Reasonably low c) About average d) On the high side e) Insatiable
How important to you is sexual fidelity? a) Essential b) Very important c) The odd lapse is forgivable d) Affairs are expected e) Would prefer an open relationship
How important is money? A) Can’t buy happiness b) Just need enough to live c) Want to be comfortable d) Want to be rich e) Want to be very rich
How would you describe your political views? A) Far left b) Left of Centre c) Neutral or not interested d) Right of Centre e) Far Right
How religious are you? a) Active and committed b) Go to church/temple sometimes c) Worship in private d) Not really religious e) Actively anti-relgious
What is your view of astrology and fortune telling? a) A total waste of time b) A bit sceptical c) Harmless fun d) Probably something in it e) To be relied upon
What is your view of chivalry? a) Old-fashioned nonsense b) Rather undesirable c) Okay in its place d) A desirable quality e) An essential part of life
How should household chores be allocated? A) Split equally b) Shared according to skill c) If one partner works, they should do less d) The main earner should hardly do any housework e) If there is one main breadwinner, they should be exempt from chores
Do you expect to have more children? a) definitely not b) No real interest c) Maybe d) Definitely e) Will do anything to have children, even adopt
How do you feel about keeping pets? a) Hate them or am allergic b) Prefer not to lose independence c) Some are nice d) Would keep if practical e) Can’t imagine life without one
How close do you like to be to your family? a)In constant touch b) See them fairly regularly c) Meet up occasionally d) Talk now and then e) Prefer to be self-contained
What is your attitude towards tidiness? a) Happily live in chaos b) A bit untidy c) Like to be organised d) Life everything to be perfect
What is your view on smoking? a) Intolerable b) Fairly undesirable c) It’s okay for others to do it d) I’m a light smoker e) I’m a heavy smoker


If you find that you and your mate are truly compatible, be open to change in interests, hobbies and goals and your relationship stands a great chance of making it long term!