The Quest For Prince Charming: Are You Chasing Your Own Tail?

As the owner of a social club, one thing that I hear a lot about is relationships. Things that work well, and things that are just not on. There is a lot of fun, and on the flip side, a lot of complaining about what has not worked out in the past. The question that always lurks somewhere in the back of my mind is, how do you know when the person you are with is the right fit? How do you know when to stop looking?

The answer hit me one day as I was taking a break from my 16-hour workday and watching The Simpsons. Marge was lying in bed beside Homer who suddenly suffered an extreme hunger pain. He winced and grabbed his bulging stomach and Marge calmly told him to reach beside him to the nightstand where she had prepared a peanut-butter sandwich for him “in case of emergency”. He looked up at her with doe eyes and asked, “with extra jelly?” “Of course, Homey” came the sweet reply. He gave her an emotionally loaded thank you kiss, commenting that that was what a partnership is all about, knowing who the other person is and just being there for them. “Yes it is Homey, yes it is.”

So there you have it, love according to Marge Simpson. Immediately after turning the show off, my mind went reeling into all of the failed relationships I myself have experienced, and the budding relationships I witness on a daily basis. The people in relationships that work all say the same thing, they function better together than they do apart. There is a wholeness that the couple experiences when acting as a team that they cannot achieve as an individual.

Which brings me to the topic of this month’s article: The Quest For Prince Charming. How do you know when you have already found him? For yet another Pop Culture T.V. reference, I would like to quote Kim Catrall’s character from “Sex And The City”. “You know you are in the wrong relationship when your face frowns more than it smiles.” Using that as a jumping off point, if you are finding that being with your partner leaves you generally unfulfilled or wishing there was more, I think it is safe to assume your couple is a mismatch. If however, you experience a general sense of peace and well being and you are attracted to your mate, just make sure you are both headed in the same direction in life, want the same things and your partnership will have a good chance of flourishing.

One thing I admire about the Europeans, they don’t all rush to be married. Indefinite cohabitation can sometimes reduce the pressure on the relationship, providing a sense of unity and at the same time allowing for individuality of each personality in the pair.

My mother always reminds me of this old fable. A guy is about to walk into a forest. Just before he enters the wood a short leprechaun stops him. The man in green says to the walker, “As you walk along your path, look for walking sticks. You may only choose one. Upon leaving the forest, you must hold in your hand the longest walking stick available in order to have the best life possible.” “Well”, the man tbinks, “this is simple!” He embarks upon the trail and sees stick after stick. Each time he thinks he has found the longest one, he then spots another further along and before he knows it, he has left the forest behind and is walking stick-less.

I think my mother’s point is that we have to be cautious in who we choose as our life partner, but not so cautious as to let the good ones pass us by. Be wary of not picking up any sticks or it may become too late. Keep your eyes open for the good people and then build something healthy. There is no white Stallion.