What Kind of Man Are You?

While I am not Emily Post there are just some things that I see happening in Vancouver that make me feel ashamed at where evolution has landed us. Here is an example:

I was out at a party held at the Vancouver Club the other night. There was a huge crowd of partygoers, most people having a genuinely good time. At about 1am, a well-known journalist and I were talking over cheesecake when a handsome man approached and broke into our conversation. “Hi, how are you?” he exclaimed to my journalist friend without so much as glancing in my direction. “I haven’t seen you in a while” he continued, still not bothering to mutter “excuse me for interrupting”. After a short speech about how pleased he was to see my companion, the fellow made the effort to see whose conversation he had barged into and realised that he recognised my face. Instead of the appropriate, “I apologise, how rude of me, don’t I recognise you from somewhere”, he continued right along talking to my friend and pretending that there was nobody else present. Finally, as Mr. Manners took a breath, I interjected by saying; “Hi, I’m Rachel. Perhaps you remember meeting me a few months ago at a restaurant?” To which he replied, “Oh yes, you own Campoverde, the social club in Kitsilano”. “Well”, I think to myself, “now he is going to make up for being so incredibly rude”. But no. He performs the coup de grace. Turning once again to our local star reporter, he says, “Well, I am going to the bar to get a drink. Malcolm, may I get you one?” “No thanks” comes the reply as Malcolm, uncomfortable from the clear lack of social graces just displayed, further lowers his head to his plate.

Now listen, I am as fair as the next person for giving the benefit of the doubt. However, when manners are disregarded to such an extent, someone has got to do something about it. The proverbial bar is only as high as we hold it. If you accept that sort of behaviour, that is how you will be treated. “Ask and ye shall receive” comes to mind here. In the pouring rain, when you are going to a party or to dinner or to a movie (heaven forbid) with a date, and they don’t offer to drop you at the door, TELL THEM TO DO SO. Allow the men to feel like men, try not to usurp their spot in the hierarchy of socially acceptable behaviour. I am not saying that men have to pay for everything; in this world women are capable of holding their own. However, that does not mean that women are no longer feminine, graceful, charming, intelligent and vulnerable. Being looked after when out with male company, whether they are friends or more is simply part of the natural order of life.

Please, boys, take your natural place back. We don’t want it. Treat us like the ladies that you would like us to be. Be a man. The five dollars you spend on the drink may not land you directly into someone’s bed, but it will leave you feeling empowered and important and socially desirable. A worthy investment if you ask me.

Over the past year and a half more than 3,500 people have come into Campoverde. Of this group, I have witnessed beautiful manners occasionally and some men have exemplified what being a gentleman is all about. It is not difficult and it has nothing to do with money or looks. All it takes is a kind word, generosity of spirit and a dab of consideration. Next time you are out, when you are on the way to the bar to get yourself another drink, just ask the group if anyone would like anything. I guarantee you they will remember that you did, whether or not they take you up on your offer. The women will start to talk about you, and they will be saying very good things. You may well become the kind of man that other men try to emulate, and THAT is the kind of man you want to be.